1) Expecto Parkingnum – Living in Long Beach has been wonderful. I live walking distance from the beach, wonderful dive bars, thrift stores galore, delicious food, coffee shops, and so much more. But the worst part is that I spend at least 20-30 minutes a day looking for a place to park. I get it, I chose to live on a very popular intersection BUT HOLY BALLS, I PAY RENT HERE, THERE’S NO WORLD WHERE IT’S ACCEPTABLE FOR ME TO NOT HAVING A PLACE TO LEAVE MY VEHICLE. So this spell would create parking spots, be that by shrinking cars that are annoyingly large, moving two cars closer that have an inconvenient amount of space between them, or removing red paint from curbs!
2) Cloneium Monium – It seems like there’s always something I wish I could be doing that I can’t be because of time. I understand, our time is a limited resource and we choose to spend it in certain ways and that’s fine. But when it comes down to it, even when being intentional about how I spend my time, there still is never quite enough. If there were two of me, one could be at work, while the other could be catching up on reading I’ve been wanting to get done. Or one could be sleeping and cooking healthy meals, while the other was out hanging with friends and drinking. I’m tired of having to choose between being responsible or being carefree, so ya know, two of me would make it better.
3) Adios Middleofthecountry-otus – I love Kansas. I really do. It’s one of my favorite places to visit (mostly because of the biscuits and gravy) but also because the people are cool and mid-western life is such a novelty to me. But as much as I love visiting and hanging out, the middle of the country has gots to go. My favorite people on the planet and basically everything I love and need are on either coast of this country and if I could just pick up the whole middle of the country I’d be so much happier. I don’t need my family in my city exactly, but I’d surely love them to be less than 3,000 miles away. So sorry Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, and Ohio, but you all are gonna need to find a new home so I’m not homesick no matter what ocean I’m looking at.
4) Abra Ka-NeverEndingSweetTeaButYouGetNoCavities – I think I speak for most of us when I say I love food. If you don’t love food, I don’t think we can be friends and I also think you have some serious problems. Seek medical attention immediately. This spell would allow for an iced cold glass of sweet tea (or whatever delicious treat I want at the time – I’m thinking sushi, and baked brie, and eggplant pizza) to appear in my hand at just the twitch of my nose. And the best part? No bad health effects. In this world, a full glass of sweet tea not only can’t give you cavities, it also provides all the vitamins and minerals you need for the day! Who needs kale anymore? 😉
5) P!NKoppause – The only thing I hate more than my period is P!NK, so every month instead of having to deal with cramps and mood swings and back pain and those poops we get but don’t talk about, P!NK gets a second period. For the pain you put me through with Just Like A Pill, the least you can do is hang out with Aunt Flo twice a month.
If anyone’s reading — what spells would you want?