Twelve: Boyfriend

This weekend I took a step… no, a hop… no, a jump… no, a running leap out of my comfort zone! As of Saturday I am no longer a single lady. If you have been following my posts, you know I recently deleted my OkCupid and have alluded multiple times to having someone in my life who is filling up much of my time. Well, after 6 weeks or so of dating, and a brief stint in almost completely ending things in form of me putting up all sorts of defense mechanisms and hanging out with dudes who I should NOT have been hanging out with, a certain fella (he doesn’t care to be anonymous) decided to make things official. I’m honestly not sure if anyone even keeps up with my life that closely, but leaving this out and posting this week would have felt like I was lying to you all — and I never want that.

A lot of my friends have said to me, “well, this is what you’ve been wanting, right?” And I guess, if you consider the fact that I’ve been dating for the last year and that I’ve expressed how tired I am of playing the game — well, then, yes a relationship is in fact what I wanted. BUT what’s crazy is that literally the morning before we had this talk, I told my roommate I was totally happy with keeping things casual and had come to the realization that there was no need to title it. That I didn’t NEED a relationship. Then here he comes out of left field, wanting to make it FBO (Facebook official) and whatnot. I’m not complaining at all.. I’m actually really happy and so glad he did this, and didn’t allow both of our walls to get in the way of this happening, but I haven’t been a girlfriend in almost three years, and I have definitely not been a girlfriend as the Chelsea that exists today. Last time I was a girlfriend I was crazy! Not saying I don’t have any crazy left in me…I truly believe in owning your crazy and I’m very up front about it. But it’s a much healthier kind of crazy. In addition to that, I’ve barely been in California without actively dating. For the last year I’ve been flirting it up, bouncing from dude to dude (dabbling in promiscuity — oh my!), and have had nobody to answer to. One of the big perks of moving across the country, eh? I don’t know what it’s going to be like to be tied down… Actually, that’s a really negative way to phrase that so let me trying again. I don’t know what it’s going to be like to be committed to one person. But I’m super excited to find out. This was the kind of situation that just happened. From day one I was determined to not like him, but here I am and I must say I failed at that. 

So, since the last time I got in a relationship was with a dude I barely liked, solely as a rebound to get over my first love, there was something that happened this time I wasn’t ready for. All of the dudes I’ve been flirting with and hanging out with? Well, they don’t get an automatic update that I’m no longer on the market and available to receive their lewd text messages. Ya know what this means? I’ve had to tell them! This is something I thought about immediately after we decided to make things real. (Well, after I said “Are you sure? You have a 10 minute buffer to change your mind.” Really Chelsea?! You’re so damn confident but in these situations you always get weirdly insecure. Let’s work on that!) I was super worried about these texts and wasn’t sure if I should initiate it or just wait for a text I deemed “inappropriate.” Well, it happened a few different ways for me. And I’m gonna tell you guys about them!

33-year-old: So this is a guy I met on OkCupid, went on one date with, and then hung out with a couple more times with no dinner and a movie if ya know what I mean. He’s actually a really great guy and has been there in the past couple months to offer insight and advice with dating. He was one of the ones I decided to text and let know right away. Mostly because I knew he would want to know, and also because I knew a text from him would be super awkward to receive for me while sitting next to my new beaux.  His response? “I’m so happy for you!” Seriously…this is the ideal FWB situation. Thank you, sir, for being so mature about this.

Clean car: This is the situation I felt worst about. Ya know when you keep a guy around because you know they like you so much even though you know you aren’t really feeling him? Well, that was this guy. I know — it’s a terrible thing to do! But shit happens and we’ve all done it. Give me a break. I was freaking out about falling for someone and in an effort to not get hurt, I decided it was best to keep someone on the back burner. UGH NONE OF THIS IS MAKING ME SOUND BETTER. Well, whatever. I’m a bitch and I recognize that. I hope this is the last time I will do this. Actually, I vow it is. Here I am making a promise that I won’t let this happen again. Anyway – I sent him a “We can’t see each other anymore,” and all I got in response was an “I deserved more than this. Why? I bet it’s because you met someone else. Delete my number. I’m deleting yours and will never bother you again.” Not the ideal response, but I get it. I fucked up.

Abroad: As the name suggests this is someone I’ve never met in person, but we’ve had an ongoing Facebook chat flirtmance and today, after receiving a chat I could not respond to without crossing a line, I let him know I had a boyfriend now. (Don’t people see Facebook relationship updates!?) He was really nice about it and said he could tell that I needed to be with one person. That the casual dating scene wasn’t for me… Gotta say, he hit the nail on the head! And we’ll definitely remain buddies. Wonderful.

(How have you guys dealt with these situations? Tweet me! I want to hear!)

There were a couple other fellas I had to let know, but it all went pretty smoothly. Part of me feels like such a whore for having to have dealt with this. Like – why was I flirting with so many people? But on the other hand, I’m actually proud of myself. As someone who never flirted in her teens/college years… I’m able to flirt! I know this seems silly, but I love it. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the actual flirting, or even the attention, but more to do with being confident in myself and owning the Chelsea I am. And I can never use the “but I can’t flirt” crutch ever again! 

I’m really surprised I wanted to share this with the TNTML community. But as I think about why I think it has a lot to do with being more open about who I am. As I’ve dated over the past year, I never wanted friends to meet the guys mostly because if things didn’t work out with them, I didn’t want to be embarrassed or feel like a failure. Also, because I’ve always cared way too much what people think about the guys I’ve dated. I say no more to all of that. This is happening, and I couldn’t be happier — and I want you all to know! So here it is. All of it. I’m still on the journey of coming out of my comfort zone, I’m just going to have to look a little harder than OkCupid dudes to make it happen.