Three: Problem without a name.

Dating is a totally new thing for me. But before I dive right in to my current situation, let me give you some background…

Growing up, I was always the girl dudes wanted to be “just friends” with. Time and time again, I helped boys I was hopelessly smitten with figure out the right things to say to the girls they liked, who were usually my friends. As much as it totally sucked at the time, it helped me develop a thick skin, and learn to deal with rejection. So I’m thankful for it!

When I was 16 though, I got into a pretty serious relationship that consumed me for the next 3+ years. After that, not knowing how to deal with the fact that my ex had already moved on, I rebounded with a dude who was NOT the right fit for me. Once I managed to escape that situation, and trust me, it felt more like an escape than a break-up, I entered what I like to call the “Perfectly Lonely” phase. (Anyone get the reference?)

For the next two years, I was totally content being single. I went through college without even having a crush on someone. It was a period of focusing on myself, and trying to get over all the relationship baggage from my past. First loves aren’t easy to let go of….as we ALL know.

So, when I moved to California, I hadn’t even thought about dating. It wasn’t until some of my friends proposed the idea of online dating that I realized… Hmm, I might actually enjoy spending time with a male in non-platonic setting! So, I set off into the OkCupid universe, with my best photo forward and the wittiest description of myself I could muster up.

Dating has proven to be a more growing experience than I ever anticipated. What I expected to happen was: Go out with dudes, not really like any of them, make out at the end of the night, then delete their numbers and move on. But in reality what happened was: I went with really awesome guys, who seemed totally into me, and for the first time in my life I was dating multiple dudes at once, flirting (something I totally suck at), and having no idea how to handle a problem I kept running in to… My “problem without a name.” (Another reference, anyone get this one?)

For the record, I’ve spent the last few months trying to figure out why this keeps happening to me but I have no idea. So nerds, please help! I’d love to hear your insight!

I’m getting ahead of myself. Before you can understand my problem, you have to understand what led up to it. And what is that, you ask? Oh, it was GOOD DATES. Yeah, I know, how crazy is that? All of my first dates were awesome. Many ended in a goodnight kiss, even! Guess what the next step leading to this problem is? A GREAT SECOND DATE. Yep, you read that right. I found myself going out multiple times with really great dudes, who definitely seemed to be picking up what I was putting down, and who made the effort to contact me each time after our rendezvous.

Now this is where the trouble hits. Two out of three times this has happened after the second date, the third time it happened after nearly a month of seeing each other. The guy will call or text to make plans. Not passive, trying to drop the hint that I’m not into you plans…like…very specific plans! For example, “Let’s go to a movie Thursday night, I’ll call you later this week to confirm it.” But then I never hear back! They never give me a reason why we didn’t go out. I just straight up don’t hear back from them.

I’ve come to attribute this to LA guys being flakey, but c’mon, that’s not a good enough reason. This has happened with three guys who are not originally from LA, but from totally different parts of the country! And while I’d love more than anything to blame it on them all being assholes, who don’t know what they want; the reality of it is that I need to look inside and figure out what this means about me

Why am I attracting these guys? What about me makes me equally as appealing as I am disposable? What can I do to change this pattern? What keeps leading me to this weird place?

Guess it’s time for more reflection. And more dating. Ya know what they say, when you fall of the horse it’s best to get right back on!


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